Have You Ever Dated an Asshole?
The moon in St. Paul tonight looks like one of those candies that is supposed to look like a lime. That candy is supposed to look like a lime, it fails at that. The moon is not supposed to look like said candy, it exceeds expectations tonight. The earbuds are starting a Eva Walker on KEXP. New host of Early. She opens with the Balanescu Quartet covering Computer Love and when it starts it is as revelatory as something can get on a two block walk in 17 degree weather. I would say that environment is. . .pretty revelatory friendly all things considered.
Have you ever dated a true asshole? I ask because while gathered around a group of high school classmates at the Heiruspecs show we happened upon the question: have any of you dated an honest to goodness asshole? I believe that based on my consumption of social media we all have. Correct? You agree right? If you just scroll there’s always a story “he didn’t even call to explain, I’m stuck, I can’t believe it happened” or some variety of that. Or there’s just someone saying “I’ve dated some real assholes”. This group of three men, four women. . .we all said we had never dated a real asshole. And two of the people had been through divorces. But a divorce doesn’t mean you think the other person is a real asshole. But, I must say I still kind of default to thinking that you must at some level think the person you divorced is an asshole, because, you divorced them. I know people change and grow apart, but that’s a big strong grow apart. I find it easier to believe that you are still friends with your ex than to believe that you don’t think your ex is an asshole.
2023. We are all young forties. I think at twenty five maybe more of us would’ve said we had dated assholes.
A) because you want to substantiate that you have dated plenty of people you reason that just by pure stats one of them must be an asshole.
B) things are raw, I know I hated a lot more people at age 25, I have mellowed. Maybe we have all mellowed.
There was one woman there who I didn’t recognize until I asked another friend who she was after the show. We had been in a sauna at the Y together either super late 2019 or early 2020. She looked completely different now. On Saturday, I looked in her eyes, but I didn’t place her. I looked for awhile cause I was confused, I recognized her but it wasn’t just a forgot your name. . .I had forgotten the connection. And to be fair, I had not looked in her eyes or real much towards her in the sauna at all back a couple years ago. I figure she’s in a swimsuit and happy to see someone she was friend’s with in high school, but probably doesn’t need my eyes running over her and I feel the same about me and my swimsuit world. So instead of strong constant eye contact I opted for kind of the way you look away when one of your friends is changing pants. Plus, saunas are kind of dark. Anyway, I didn’t recognize her last night. But she had recently gotten a divorce, but her ex wasn’t an asshole.
When I think in my head I think of two women who might say they dated an asshole and be thinking about me. I would love if it was zero. Do assholes know they are assholes? There are people walking around thinking, “everyone who has dated me has by definition dated an asshole”. I don’t identify as an asshole. But if one of those women said to me, “Sean I think you’re a real asshole” I would have to say “I understand that”. This blog entry will likely feature more uses of the word asshole than any blog entry going forward or backward.