Rethinking the Best Song I’ve Ever Been a Part Of
I’m very proud of the music I’ve made in my 42 years on planet earth. Not all of it equally, but I’ve been a part of some amazing musical moments. I just did a little Spotify spin snooping and for a song where I played a significant role the most successful song is Heiruspecs’ Heartsprings. Dessa, sit the fuck down with your Dixon’s Girl spins, Heiruspecs rules. But, the magic of that song has so much to do with the majesty of Muad’dib’s lyrical offerings. The band serves a purpose, and I was proud to write the music and help with some of the second verse, but that magic is really on Muad’dib. For me, though I had much less writing involved with the Ela song “I Don’t Know If It’s Helping” it for a long time has been the song I am most proud to have been a part of. I framed it like this this morning while fighting about this song with my instrumental group Big Trouble: if God or Questlove called me and said “I heard your talented, what is the best shit you’ve done?” I’d play em this song. It’s just amazing. Some history.
Bill Caperton is the nucleus of this song. Bill Caperton is not only a dear friend, he’s an amazing writer who delivered amazing musical moments, but maybe didn’t have the fucked up DNA you have to have to want to play challenging forward thinking music for a rock career. But, I played in Bill’s band Ela with Peter from Heiruspecs and we made an amazing record together in 2004 called “Stapled to Air”. It’s a painful break up record, it’s a quarter life crisis record and it’s the sound of a set of musicians reluctant to do cliche rock band tricks, but enthusiastic to contribute great rock performances. Bill was my roommate, and I still remember waking up from the squalor I slept in and him with a humorously small cup of coffee at the dining room and saying to me “I’ve got a great riff”. He played me the verse riff to “I Don’t Know If It’s Helping” and I remember thinking the band was all set. If you like Pedro the Lion and Death Cab for Cutie than you immediately know it’s a great riff.
Me and Peter had just learned a lot of tricks. I had been making my way for a long time in the world of live band hip-hop with Heiruspecs and lot of that journey had included Peter behind the drum kit. But, it took working with Atmosphere for me to learn a lot of production tricks that are more often delivered either by DJs live or by producers in the studio. Before working as a backing group for Atmosphere I had never dropped a one, and had never gone with “quiet snares on the 2s and 4s”. Now that you have read these two tricks you will listen to a lot of hip-hop music differently. If you’d like to hear the best set of production tricks rolled into an amazing song just check out Nas’s Street Dreams. This tune also features tricks such as “extra measure to breathe before and after verses”, “single quiet hit on the 4” “random double hit on the snare” and more. Even though I knew this production technique as a listener, I didn’t have a language for it until we worked with Atmosphere. We started packing too many of these tricks into a lot of our songs, but I believe the beautiful non-negotiable power of Bill’s writing had me and Peter using the right amount of magic.
Knol Tate gets the best drum sounds. We recorded this whole album across a couple days in 2003. We recorded it above the spot that was known as 4th Street Station or Ryan’s at the time. I think Mint Condition had a spot up there. Dave King used to give lessons up there. Our engineer/producer Knol Tate had a great scene up there. No mixing room, Knol right in there with the band. But holy shit, we just sat in this room with huge windows, smoked so many cigarettes that my fingers turned yellow and listened to the greatest drum sounds I’ve ever heard. I did a particular session when mixing this record where for whatever reason it was briefly just me and Knol and when we got to the section where it’s just Peter on the drums and the pad guitar sound sitting on the root I thought I was going to die I was so happy. I was humbled by the magic.
I Don’t Know if It’s Helping. Who the fuck hasn’t felt this sentiment just the way Bill does in this song? My brother, who has a gift for capturing the thesis of words that just feel good to me, mentioned that this song is some sort of ultimate portrait of that transition from lamenting the feeling of not knowing if it’s helping to raging at the certainty of your ignorance of if it’s helping. I also know this wasn’t a fucking prompt for Bill. I believe his heart had abeen scissored from his soul and then dropped back in about five months before this song came to. I remember him listening to Roberta Flack for days straight while growing a beard. I remember him going non-verbal up north when the pain was too much. He knew it wasn’t helping. But he was able to do that autopsy on the final death knell of a relationship. Thank you Bill. There is blood on the tracks and that’s how it got to be.
So Why Write about this now Sean, just to gratify yourself? No. I was sitting with Bill a couple nights ago at the White Squirrel sorting it all out and I told him how I was going to play this song for Questlove or God and he said “I really wish I had taken that vocal again”. We had a fancy friend, a guy who could play in elite cover bands, a real guitar slinger, who heard a rough of this record in 2003 and told Bill he should take the vocal again. Kept on saying “you only make your first record once”. And for just a couple days the shit that has snuck into Bill’s head for 19 years snuck into mine for 4 days. Maybe you should’ve taken it again. The first half. The part where you’re tender. The part where the relationship hangs in the balance. But Bill, it’s perfect. Bill, you took a Polaroid of your shit when a lot of us would’ve just kept on growing our beard. Bill you took a Polaroid of your pain and gave the world something. Peter had huge hi-hats and a boomy bass drum. We had just learned how to drop the 1. And we dropped the 1. And I played a xylophone. And Knol Tate understands something about drums that no one else does. And it’s magical. And it’s been twenty years and you’ll still find eleven people in Minnesota who understand that this is some really great shit. Really great shit. Bill, I’m so glad you didn’t do another take.
Not Every Song Deserves a Diva. Delivering a song is a strange art. You don’t always want the best singer, it’s not always about the performance, sometimes it’s a bout the portrait. Sometimes it’s better for the writer to sing it. Sometimes it’s better for the singer to write it on the mic. Sometimes it’s better for the note to shake cause the guitar is shaking too.
Today in my basement, on a morning when I needed it I played “I Don’t Know if It’s Helping” a couple times to get it together. No Bill. Just Big Trouble. But we’re playing it at White Squirrel in a couple weeks. And it’s magic. And it will be magic. I’m putting God and Questlove on the guest list. I bet the last time I played this song was probably 2009 or 2010. I can’t wait. I know it’s helping. And I need it right now.
