A Couple Weeks off the Radio Reflections

I finished up my job at the Current on Saturday March 04 and it was just today (March 22) that I officially started off my work for Jazz88KBEM. I’d love to tell you that it was a joyous two weeks with no stress whatsoever, but we all know that our careers are often just the tip of the iceberg for stress in our life, especially when there’s a war going on. But I’ve got a completely random bag of musings, recommendations et cetera to share with you.

You Don’t Need My General Take About Ukraine, but I have a couple thoughts about why this reprehensible, unjustified assault on a sovereign nation is eliciting a unique response

Sovereign countries aren’t invaded everyday in our world. State violence, ethnic cleansing, many horrible things happen everyday, but a sovereign country being invaded is not all that common. Sometimes it’s America doing the invading, sometimes it’s us flying drones to kill people in countries we aren’t trying to occupy but need to do some killing in. Maybe we shut our mouth when it’s our country doing the killing. Am I equating the wholesale murder of civilians with poorly managed drone attacks that result in the death of civilians? No. I’m not equating, but I am comparing.

Here’s a thought exercise: how would we be acting if Indonesia was invading Australia? How would it be different? How would it not be? Part of why Western media has their eyes locked on this conflict is because of the obvious potential for this to balloon into a larger conflict that would REQUIRE the involvement of Western troops. But, another part of why Western media has their eyes on this conflict is because the country being invaded is. . .Western! It’s full of white people, largely Christian. Some people say that Western media is paying attention because it’s “in our backyard”. But you know what, Australia isn’t in our backyard, but it’s full of white people, largely Christian.

Flipside, we aren’t particularly afraid of Indonesia building an empire right? We don’t fear expansion in the same way we do from Putin. We (Westerners) aren’t fixated on Indonesia, right? I don’t know the name of the Prime Minister. I don’t know the political bent of the country. And maybe I wouldn’t be afraid that Indonesia would win. We are afraid Russia will win. We seem to be slightly less afraid that Russia will win today than we were 24 hours ago, but it’s still Russia. They’re huge. The nuclear weapons is a huge thing too. An unprovoked war between two countries without nuclear weapons? It’s easy to see the containment built right in.

Is it wrong to do thought exercises when civilians are being killed? When war crimes are being committed? I believe it is still acceptable to do a thought exercise. I am heartbroken for the senseless and depraved misery that Russia has exacted upon Ukraine. But I need to explore why my fear, my anger, my addictive reading of articles is on a different level here than when the story about the hidden casualties in American drone wars comes out (NYTimes December 2021). So I am exploring it.

There Are Unique Challenges to Being a Dad Today

I see something in myself and a lot of the dads I’m around right now, and I’ve been talking about it with my wife and with some of these dads. I’m gonna tell you my story, but I am starting to realize that this might be more generational than unique to me.

I bust my ass on parenting shit a lot more than my dad did. My dad wasn’t above it all, I saw my dad do plenty of dishes, I saw my dad bring me and my brother out every weekend while my mom worked a weekend job while I was in pre-school. But my mom ran the show, my dad traveled and my dad, by his own admission, only blossomed as a dad after his kids crossed that ability to really reason and communicate, which he said hit at about third grade for me and my brother Steve. But my competition for the Dad Olympics is my dad and maybe a bit my wife’s dad. All I feel with the dads of my generation is pure camaraderie; I have never once felt shown up by another dad at the playground. It’s not because I was doing a better job than them, it’s because I figured we were in a brotherhood, locked into competition not with each other but with our own father’s and our wives*. Why are we in competition with our wives? I’m in competition with my wife because I feel like if I’m kicking more ass at parenting than my dad is, I must obviously be making my wife’s life better immeasurably than my dad made his wife’s. So I should be fucking worshipped! But, reality interrupts this planned orgy of worship. Why?

Well, it was a real miscarriage of justice for our parents’ generation that mothers were expected to do the most demanding parts of parenting, handle the longest hours of parenting and deliver the goods in their career. The fact that many women did all that doesn’t make it okay that they had to. And when I lighten the load for my wife compared to what my dad did for my mama, it’s still not even, it’s still not fair. She’s still getting the short end of the stick.

But as I choke up on that stick and take more responsibility than my dad did, I am trading compensated, celebrated, CAREER WORK for domestic, emotional, thankless and largely invisible work. I am moving into work that we have relegated to be second class, to be beneath the station of the working man. And the narrative that I hear in my head is that I’m making a deal that pleases no one. The ghost of the Baby Boomer father is wondering: “why do you do so many diapers? why do you feel you can’t travel during the week? why can’t you catch a happy hour sometimes before you come home? can’t she do that?” And the very non-ghost of your real live wife is saying “you want a trophy for picking the kids up? a ticker tape parade for knowing how to take a temperature in the armpit, fuck off and grab a broom you bag of shit”.

So no one’s happy. And what Rachel opened my mind to is that there is another sphere of competition that looms larger in a young mom’s life than in a young dad’s: the competition with other moms. Rachel makes it clear she isn’t in a pure sisterhood with the mom’s at the park. There’s judgement about the quality of outfits, the healthiness of the snacks, the way you wear the yoga pants. There’s probably competition about how little your partner has to do. I think most of these wars are waged at public parks and on Instagram and I only go to public parks partially for that reason. AND GUESS WHAT ELSE: It’s obvious to anyone in the working world today, women aren’t in the minor leagues. They get paid minor league dollars which is absolutely bogus, but the expectations are high, the pressure is high, the self-generated competition is high. So there’s no relief.

Okay, I started this section by saying that dad’s have it uniquely hard and then of course circled around to realize that women have it worse. I knew that when I started typing. . .but I think dads have it hard because of this dissonance where they can look at an internal measuring stick and feel like they’re measuring up, but get really different input from both their partners and the pressures and expectations they likely received from their parents.

Reading Fiction is Excellent

I’m reading Karl Ove’s “My Struggle: Book 2” and it’s just spectacular. I just happened upon a five page description of a Communist uncle who fell under the sway of Heidegger and other thinkers but had no one to share this energy with, so he would unload a year of reading onto his young nephews on Christmas Eve every year. It was one of the most gorgeous things I’ve ever read in my entire life. I read it hours ago with a soundtrack of my 2 year old losing her shit 8 feet away and I was still transported to a dark Christmas Eve in Norway in 1986 and you can’t get that from a lot else besides a novel.

Reading About Sex is Excellent

Rachel found a book called “Come As You Are” by Emily Nagoski. This is a book that is challenging me to really think about some nuts and bolts of sex, some emotional components of sex and realizing that you’re doing it really wrong if you’re only looking at either half of that equation. I think letting sexual relationships age, mature and evolve is one of the hardest things to pull off. I don’t know, there’s some ideal image of sexual intimacy for me and it has very little to do with my current lived reality. But one doesn’t need to bang their head against the wall about that or resign yourself to a shit sex life. You need to do what you do about everything else in your life, READ A GOD DAMN BOOK ABOUT IT AND KEEP TRYING.

It Felt Good To Say Goodbye to Spotify Just for Me

I’m not taking Heiruspecs’ music off of Spotify. I’m sticking with Spotify on that end. But I want to feel really good right before I press play on music. I feel great telling me phone to play KBEM, or the Current, or KEXP or WBGO or WWOZ. I feel great dialing up an album I paid for on Bandcamp. But I stopped feeling good about hitting Spotify. I didn’t want to press play. So I wanted to stop paying. I switched up to Tidal. Tidal is not making bands rich, but I’m paying the highest price I can for the highest quality I can pay (that’s $30 a month for a big ass hifi family plan). I can really hear the difference on rock albums especially. I can hear it on jazz records too. In fact, I can hear it on a lot. And the curated playlists on Tidal are a lot smarter, a lot less predictable, a lot more inspired. And I do like the idea that they’re gonna give one artist I bump hard a full on $10 of my subscription. That sounds small, but man, what if it’s Pharaoh Sanders and not Beyonce? Pharaoh doesn’t need $10, but if it all starts to move towards the artists of the world getting a taste, getting a bigger taste, that’s a good look. And some billionaire is gonna get some money off of me streaming music. I’d rather have it be an unbelievably talented black rapper who hasn’t given Joe Rogan $1 million, let alone $200 million to talk his shit. That’s Danny Ek’s choice, but I don’t have to keep on sending him $14.99 a month to bankroll it.

I was on a podcast called Bedroom Beethovens

I appeared on a podcast called Bedroom Beethoven’s with a dude named Marcello. I got so overwhelmed with the “Sean is leaving the Current” fanfare and pulling every tweet into my ego like a twine ball that I haven’t pressed play on the final product yet, but Marcello had done an impressive amount of research and he had a great tone and angle. It’s here.

The Podcast “Plain English” with Derek Thompson is Amazing

I don’t think anyone is talking about this podcast but I have no idea why. Derek Thompson is a writer from the Atlantic who is insightful without using the “I’m so insightful voice” that Ezra Klein and Michael Barbaro do. It’s not pretentious, it’s well researched and it’s efficient. It takes the attention and intelligence of its audience seriously which is as rare as a unicorn in podcasts.

Sometimes Very Simple Things Make You Happy

I have a visceral, emotional connection with the coffeeshop J&S on Randolph right by my house. They technically want you to call it JS because I guess J got a divorce from S so now it’s Just Steve’s. But everyone calls it J&S. Michelle and Dakota are the baristas on Sunday mornings. I go in there every Sunday with Martin Devaney and we make a little small talk with them and then sit and sort it out. And it is my oasis, my moment to talk about my life with my best friend. But it’s so special that even a coffee from there during the week can turn my day around. It’s like walking into that building gives me the invitation to relax, reflect and appreciate life. I was having a horrible day maybe about a week ago. I was in a funk and it was shit news every hour on the hour. But man when I took that first sip of coffee that day got a solid 21% less bad.

Here’s the other thing: I ended up having to buy a new car because the water pump started leaking. But the reason I already knew what I wanted (Volvo S90) is because I wanted a smooth ass sedan that would make it easier for me to stream radio stations from other markets in my car. Mainly, I’ve been focused in on KBEM, doing my research and loving the jams. But I am an outspoken fan of Larry Mizell Jr., the afternoon DJ on KEXP. And that first day I got my Apple Pay dialed up and pressed play on that and there was some funky music coming out of KEXP. It was simple, it felt good. Bring it on. And listen to Larry sometime.

The Spelling Bee is Coming Back

COVID was bad to trivia, but it was lights out for the Drinkin’ Spelling Bee. That’s a situation where you are sharing a microphone, having lots of loose boozy energy and generally just navigating a lot. But we are feeling good about doing a “you gotta be vaccinated to compete” spelling bee this Saturday at Amsterdam Bar and Hall. I’m gonna be there hanging out, cheering on my team and rocking out. It would be awesome to have you there. And it’d be great for you to buy a ticket. What a treat. It starts early, and starting early on a Saturday is a genius move.

Buy a ticket to this event and drink Summit with me on Saturday.

I’m Diving Right in with KBEM
I’m going to be on the air soon soon soon with KBEM. I am so elated to spend my afternoons with you spinning jazz. I’m finishing up orientation on Wednesday and I’ll probably be helping out a bit on Thursday and then taking over as soon as Friday with 3-7pm Central for the Afternoon Jazz Cruise. You can listen here, and I sincerely hope you do. I love the station and I can’t wait to bring my flavor to it. This is a very exciting moment for me and I hope it’s going to be something you enjoy.

*My whole center of the argument here is a very heteronormative space. This doesn’t fit the reality I live in, but especially at the kids playground I need to confess to you that if I see a dad hanging alone on a Saturday I am pre-thinking that he has a wife at home. I’m not considering it possible that he’s a single dad or that he is a couple with another man. That’s not fair, that’s not right, but I’m trying to give you where my brain is at about it, and that’s where I’m at.