Am I Emotional?

Working with the therapist on unlocking some parts of me that I might’ve never let blossom because it wasn’t good business to let them blossom in the house I grew up in. I was born into a very brainy house, smart people who lead with their smartness. I knew I was different from this, I was told I was different from this. My brother had shown a lot of early aptitude in school, I did not. But, the brain was always what was worshipped in my family. Our mom used to say “put on your bike helmets, cause you damn sure won’t make a living off of your brains” all the time. In my tender moments I wish she had taught me how to protect my heart and my spirit, cause that needed a lot of protection it didn’t get.
But I export being emotional. I write songs. I cry. I feel things. I empathize. But I’m worried it’s this unexamined side of my life. I don’t know myself emotionally. And when I come off as emotional I’m not certain that’s pure me as much as it is a performance of being emotional. And can I be a very emotional person while still having very simple emotions? Do we just say people are emotional if they aren’t muted, if they aren’t flat? I’m strong-tempered, I’m sensitive, I’m vulnerable. I’m not sure I’m emotional. My therapist thinks (and I agree) that I consider myself a manager of three people: an achievement oriented score keeper, an intellectual brain person filling every moment of silence with brain stuff and a burning emotional lump that I know is very important but I don’t understand. This feels like a very close self-portrait to me. I am trying to figure out how to know that emotional lump. But if I think about the scorekeeper is in charge, if I talk about it the brain person is in charge. So I do go into something without talking or thinking into it. How do I get to know the lump?
I believe more so than most people I am who I am because it’s who I thought my family wanted. I’m sure a lot of youngest kids can relate, but in deep ways my identity, my passions, my interests, they are all linked to what my dad and my brother liked. And I like the me I became, but I don’t know what relationship that has to the clay I was born able to shape. I’m not sure what parts of me I deactivated cause it wasn’t helpful for me to survive and thrive in my house. And I have no idea if I can find those parts of me, nor do I know if I will like them. Don’t know if my wife will like them. Don’t know if my family will like them. But I think I have to explore it, because I think the contentment, happiness and presence I can bring to life right now is at a diminished level cause I’m not all here. I want to limit the scorekeeper’s role in my life, support the intellectual brain person and let the emotional lump have a seat at the table. Am I emotional? I don’t even know if that’s a useful question, but I think when I dig more, I’ll have a useful answer.