Big Trouble/Big 44/Big Saturday at White Squirrel
Big Trouble is back at “it” this Saturday. “It” means playing two 45 minute sets at White Squirrel between 6p-8p on Saturday. We had rehearsal on Saturday and we got through another one of Peter’s new tunes and worked out some issues with a couple new Steve charts. Adding new songs into the mix has given me excitement about what this project can be about. I am blessed to be in the presence of musicians who are passionate about their music, my music and collectively, our music. And on top of that I have to make three turns from my house to get to a music venue with a caring sound person, charming bartenders and a crowd of people who get into this type of music.
I don’t always know how to describe Big Trouble’s music. It’s instrumental. But that is not a genre. To me we are a band that won’t shake off our personal histories and preferences even as we coalesce as a band. Peter Leggett, our drummer, loves evocative, harmonically dense ECM jazz with Scandinavian dynamics of quiet, loud and scary as hell. Josh Peterson, one of our guitar players, loves all the atmospheric guitar-centric outfits who build in textures and move methodically through techniques to support a song. Steve McPherson, the other guitar player, loves all that stuff but his fingers will always best know the alternative rock to blues pipeline that he came out of. Sean McPherson, our me, loves funky bass lines, the allure of a bass part that disappears and the experience of a bass note shifting the ground that a song is walking on. So we all do those things and cook it up to be good combination. Big Trouble is a “bring your whole self to the jam session” type of band. It works out. And we get to share that monthly at the White Squirrel. What a treat.
Tired of our faces? Who isn’t? Enjoy some pixels. Design by Steve McPherson
(if you don’t want to hear a man reflect on what he’s done with his life skip this next section and also the grand majority of this blog in general tbh)
Monday also marks my 44th birthday. At what age are you safe to have gotten past the midlife crisis? I’m sure it’s not 44. I’ve had so little time to think about my forties. The shit just keeps on going. Horrible pandemic? Struggles at home? The difficulty of raising children? Inept and cruel leadership at the national Level? Unresolved issues from childhood? Continuing to be a creative person in the face of diminishing enthusiasm from yourself and collaborators towards a project? I’ve had it all. It’s been hard. I’m spending time in good feelings and bad feelings.
The time I do spend reflecting back on my forties so far lean heavily on “pretty good, considering.” So much to consider. Can we have good years anymore as a world? As a country? Can these twenties roar? We can’t Make America Great Again. That’s a crock. That’s a weapon. That’s a shitty hat. But can we head somewhere better? I think we can. I don’t think there is some fundamental reason why America can’t grow, mature and become a better version of ourselves than we’ve ever been. Can the counter-response to the cruelty of this Trump administration usher us into something better. I think the answer is “why not?”
I love being a part of community radio. It matters to me. I am listening to Radio K right now and I feel like I’m listening an extended family of broadcasters and community members. I love Big Trouble. I feel like I got an incredible amount of growth in my therapy sessions towards resolving many of the issues that linger from childhood.
At 44, I’m past thinking that I’ll have to load some plan b career into my future that I will find disagreeable. Will I be fired or laid off from a radio gig in the future? Absolutely. Do I have fundamental skills in that realm that suggest I’ll be able to jump back in in a different role? I do.
I am the owner of Trivia Mafia. Trivia Mafia is very successful. Trivia Mafia has been so successful since I’ve left that a very small portion of me worries they’d be less successful if I had stuck around and kept on trying to help. I don’t question that fact that I was instrumental in laying the groundwork. I also think I helped laid groundwork that a bunch of other people would’ve fucked up. Chuck and I are responsible for the core identity/vibe of Trivia Mafia and I’m happy to tell you it’s an awesome core identity/vibe.
I don’t know what the next chapter for Heiruspecs will be but we do not have any shows on the horizon and it shall remain that way for quite some time. The door to new music is wide open at the moment and it remains to be seen how widely we will open that door. This development scares me. Heiruspecs is central to my identity. Playing shows is central to my understanding of what Heiruspecs gives to the world and to ourselves. I just have to give it time and it’s hardest thing to give. I wanted to be in a band that is an important part of the story of Minnesota music. That goal mattered to me years ago and it matters to me now. Heiruspecs did that. I was a very important part in doing that. That makes me proud. But thinking that most or all of our story is past tense is very hard for me. It should be hard for me. Transitions are hard.
I have a beautiful family. I love being a father and being a husband in ways I am not sure I ever would! I also hate being a father and being a husband in unique and special ways I never would’ve imagined. But that’s the deal. I don’t know what the next chapter of home life holds for me. I am just getting to the point where my 8 year old daughter S. is a little too big to be carried for much more than a flight of stairs. S. can also really hold her own in bed wrestling with me. We are Jewish so it was low-stakes but she did hit me with some “is that Easter Bunny business for real” material. Spoiler alert: I told her the truth. The bunny isn’t real. She is seeing her world, learning her likes, navigating her path. I’m terrified. Our five year old N. has turned some corner in her life where her relationship to the world and to the humans in her world is much deeper and compassionate than it was just months ago. And this is all built on a really strong relationship between Rachel and I. I couldn’t fathom being married period, let alone for 10+ years. And now I can’t imagine life without her. Life without us. We are partners in an amazing adventure and we are also just two humans who love each other.
At 44 I just don’t want to fuck anything up super bad and I want to keep on making awesome things and experiences that matter to people. Sometimes I’m worried to create the next set of awesome things I might have to fuck some things up on the way. And I want to celebrate again even though I just celebrated 3 years at Jazz88 a month ago. So I’ll celebrate at White Squirrel on the 26th. I hope it’s nice out and we can move the party to the patio after the show is over.
Sean of 44