Working Harder to Get Fatter

Sat my nutritionist and plain as day for the first time in my life I said this simply in one sentence: I work really hard and aim to be successful so that people seem as successful first and as fat second.

It’s a fact I’ve known for a long time, it’s a thing I’ve said in paragraph form, but never just this plain. And it leads me to also some shitty eating behavior. I work late, I feel entitled to a snack, cause I’ve been working my ass off. But then of course, you’re going to eat those calories, crash, wake up and work hard. That’s all I’ve got, but what a thing to notice and take. I get a lot of working with Amber and finding the right way through these problems. I love working hard, and I love my body. But it’s toxic to push my mind, my career and at times my body hard into extra hours of work just to obscure a thing I should be comfortable with in the first place, which is my body. A lot to think about. I need a better relationship with sleep, a better relationship with late nights, a better relationship with my career identity and with my body.

But getting through that thought in a simple way felt like a good step.