It’s Okay to Go Slower
I’m paying the thirteen dollars a month on the website mainly to keep me off twitter and it’s not working. I had vacation from my job at MPR all last week but it was impossible to look away. It would not be an understatement to say that all the shit hit all the fans at my job. I also have a friend facing serious health issues right now. So it wasn’t the staycation you might imagine. I didn’t order in pizza and walk around downtown. I did a couple projects around the house including painting my porch, I worked on my solo album, I did a little work for Trivia Mafia and I watched Slack channels blow up at my job.
It wasn’t a fun week, and this week isn’t sizing up to be fun. I will find some fun, I will have fun with my kids. But there is terrible shit going on right now in my life and in everyone’s life. There are billions of people who have it notably harder than me at every turn. But I am hitting plenty of struggles right now and it feels terrible. That doesn’t mean I won’t get past it, that doesn’t mean I won’t figure it out. But things are going to be slower for awhile.
I have to work fast this week because I have a lot of demands at work, but I’m going to make my way. But I’m going to stop wondering why there s so much stress. There just is, I need to fight it when I can, but sometimes it’s okay to go slower.
I did on my vacation get a chance a couple times to really slow down. I sat inside a bar (first time for me) and drank three drinks and watched an NBA game. That was wonderful. The joy of hearing humans talk, of hearing the bartender job flirty say “I hope we’ll see you back here again soon”. There is so much magic when humans are just around each other.
But it is okay to go slow, I promise.
How To Be An Anti-Racist and How To Do Nothing
I’ve been trying to read more and trying to stay a little more off social media (aren’t we all). One of the reasons I’m paying $12/month for a squarespace site is to be able to type my thoughts here and stop looking for the minor joy of someone liking a post and instead enjoy the long lasting feeling of having put some little thing into the universe.
I bought Ibram X. Kendi’s book a couple weeks after George Floyd was murdered. I had heard him on a podcast and enjoyed it, but I didn’t feel the desire to dive deep. The book is simple in the best possible way: he picks out a handful of points and drums them home with discipline. Many folks have complained about the memoiresque elements of Kendi’s telling. . .he brings a lot of himself into the story. I have zero complaints about this. It helped me digest his journey and his arrival.
Ibram X. Kendi is 100% on team “black folks can be racist” and I grew up playing for the opposite team. Probably at some point in high school or college I was turned out to the idea that a black person treating a white person negatively solely for that reason was not a racist act, the basic idea being that a black person treating a white person negatively is a drop in the bucket and black people in total are not endowed with enough power in our world for that one black person’s negative treatment to tip any meaningful scale in the white person’s life. As I walk through this paragraph I realize I have less disagreement with Kendi than I thought. In that section of his book the big argument is that black people in a position of power can still be racist to other black people. I find that to be 100% true and if one is acting out racist policies you are certainly not dropping anything in the bucket, you are doubling down on racism. So yes, I think that black people can be racist towards black people. I still don’t think that racist is the right word for black people treating white people negative purely on the merits of their race. I believe it is a prejudice, but I do believe that racism on an individual level should be reserved for any actions that align with systemic racism, meaning negative treatment of whites based purely on race does not rise to the level of racism in my world.
I didn’t walk away greatly changed by Kendi’s book, which is not a knock on the book. I agree with the principles of the book, I believe that being a neutral actor in regards to race is a fiction, if you are neutral you are relying on the momentum of a racist society and thus tacitly co-signing on racism. I have to think more about what my takeaways will be from the book; at the time of the reading I let it wash over me and moved on.
I have moved on to Jenny Odell’s “How To Do Nothing” book and I’m about 1/2 way through the book. This book points back to tons of other writers, articles and more throughout the book and that is what is connecting me with it. I think the basic thesis of the book is largely agreeable to me: there are very economic reasons why we want the people of the world constantly distracted and constantly consuming. It is an important act to ignore the churn, to think deeply and to unplug. What I like about the book is that Odell is also outlining all the pitfalls of large scale efforts for groups to unplug (60s communes most particularly). On top of that, she seems to frequently point back to how much the process of unplugging is a form of privilege as most don’t have the time/finances to step away.
“How To Do Nothing” connects with me because some of my favorite moments in life haven’t been when I’ve been in some sort of monastic retreat. My favorite moments have been when I’ve felt tremendous focus and sense of purpose while present among my community, among my potential distractions. The singular focus I had for years on getting Heiruspecs up to a national level of prominence, the focus I felt trying to get my college education, my focus on trying to provide the best backing band that sweat could buy for Dessa. This book is helping me remember that I am losing something every time I slide to twitter while programming music on the Current, every time I read the headline and skip the article on the New York Times website.
That’s some thoughts about books for you.
The Future Has Never Been Better
Many scenes, worlds and realities are changing before our eyes right now. Ideas that seemed implausible weeks ago are now being considered seriously across the globe. Minneapolis is at the center of a lot of these conversations, it’s where George Floyd was brutally murdered, it’s the city that is getting the most attention for considering abolishing the police. A quick aside: I enjoy conversations about abolishing the police more with people who have read MPD150. I don’t think you’ll necessarily agree with all of the findings. But, too often in conversations about drastic changes to policing in America there is a claim that no one has done research, nobody has worked on it. That it is just hippy dippy navel gazing. This website should shut down that accusation, regardless of your feelings about the future of policing.
There has also been a huge upheaval in the Twin Cities music community. There has been reckonings about racists, misogynists, rapists and abusers within our scene. The whisper network comprised largely of women who spent decades building a support and protection network has come to the center, with many whispered allegations now being shouted. Beyond the accusations about specific actions about specific people, it is finally being recognized that our scene has been an incubator for empowering sexual aggressors, racists and platforms that devalue under represented voices. I am by no means an outsider, unconnected voice in these problems. I work at The Current, a media organization that many in our community are frustrated with. I have played music, shared bills and friendships with individuals accused of abusive, misogynistic and racist behavior. I spend some time every week thinking about the ways in which my personal behavior, my programming choices, my curatorial choices, my musical choices helped and hurt this scene. Moments where I used my voice and my privilege to be a force of good, and moments when my work was a part of the problem. What I don’t worry much about is the future of the scene.
People might think that there is no scene beyond the current biggest players in the scene. Or, people think that the art made by lesser-known artists in our scene is subpar. This is wrong. Our scene is bursting with wildly talented artists who have never gotten a big local spotlight inside the larger Twin Cities scene. I should note here: a lot of artists I’m thinking have had an incredible career, fed their families and themselves, toured the world and received rave reviews in other cities across the globe. When I talk about the big spotlight I am thinking about things including: heavy rotation on the Current or Go Media and other stations that feature local music, routine and thoughtful coverage in Mpls St. Paul Magazine, Minnesota Monthly, City Pages, Star Tribune et cetera, opening opportunities for national artists.
A lot of artists, organizations, labels, producers and more are already shining and can lead this scene to a better place. What do I mean by better? I mean that the celebrated, amplified, well-compensated artists in Minnesota could look more like the Minnesota we all live in. I live in a Minnesota with black folks, I live in a Minnesota rich with other languages, I live in a Minnesota with trans artists. But, I hear a Minnesota, and I read a Minnesota where black artists, trans artists, women artists, POC artists and more are presented as a side dish if they are presented at all. Worth acknowledging: I’m part of that history, of dropping in a side dish from an artist from an under-represented community in a show I program with none of the discipline it takes to introduce an audience to a new artist in a meaningful way. This moment is an overdue opportunity to break out of that anachronism. The spirit of this moment is having an impact on my programming, on who I interview (particularly when interviews became more feasible to do safety wise). I have been coming up dry when I try to work as an artist right now, but I believe when I can find my artistic spirit again it will have an impact on my writing and my collaborations.
This moment of rebirth, of redefinition is going to make our scene better. There are growing pains, the loudest voices in our scene have well developed teams to promote and spread their art and their voices. Some of the most talented artists from Minnesota have long since given up on Minnesota media coverage after years of being tokenized or 100% ignored. The trust needs to be rebuilt and it has to start with the former ignorers, not the ignored. But the big names in town do not by any means have a monopoly on talent. Nor do they have a monopoly on media coverage on the national stage or in other regions. It is time to start hearing and reading the Minnesota we already live in.
Care for a soundtrack? A duo called Illism recently dropped a playlist called “The Rebrand: Minneapolis Hip Hop”. It features so many great artists coming straight out of Minnesota. Throw it on and get excited about the future.
Small Things I Will Continue Post Quarantine
Mostly, the fact that it is unclear when we will return to anything resembling normal is harrowing, heartbreaking and dangerous. My daughter’s daycare is open and that is a relief, but I cannot imagine navigating having school age kids and not knowing when they can go back or how safe they’ll be. Here’s a couple things I am excited to keep doing after we return to some sense of normalcy.
Planning Menus in Advance
Pre-COVID my wife and I might plan our meals one, maybe two days in advance. That turns out to limit how long one can get excited about their different meals. I’m having slow cooker vegetarian lasagna on Saturday night. Yes, it has carrots and kale and it’s great. But I get to spend days thinking about it, looking forward to it. And I’ll wake up on Saturday with no confusion about what I’m setting up. Less stress before going in to the radio station. And, you can save money by shopping advance, planning et cetera. And in my relationship, when we plan, the responsibility is more evenly distribute. (emphasis on the more, as I don’t want to pretend like the work of our home is evenly distributed).
Eating Vegetarian More Often
For a handful of months the slaughterhouses of America were uniquely dangerous incubators for COVID outbreaks. There are 365-days-a-year problem with our food production system granted, but I can’t believe that we mandated that the meat plants stay open when folks were getting sick for us to get our meat. Did you read about the Victory Gardens in WWII? Are you aware that you could have a grilled cheese? I get that grocery stores have to stay open, but we coulda closed the meat plants for awhile. So I want out of that as much as possible. I can’t yet go 100% vegetarian, lunch being a particularly meat centric part of my diet, but, I’m doing a lot less.
ZOOMing
Let’s be clear, ZOOM being the only available form of social engagement is absolute crap. It’s no substitute and it is exhausting. But, there are a lot of meetings that I will be zooming into for the rest of history. Some new company has some new loyalty program where when you buy a beer it tells a bunny a trivia question for charity. . .set up a ZOOM and let’s talk BUDDY!
Kicking It With My Neighbors
I knew my neighbors before COVID started. We’d been to some parties at people’s houses, we had some good laughs. But now we see each other for a weekly happy hour. We text as a group maybe like four times a week. It is not NextDoor b.s. about a suspicious looking tree stump we noticed around the neighborhood. We joke, we borrow groceries, we have fun. I’m sticking with that. Why didn’t I do more of that. You can drink comfortably with friends without having to drive home!
Still Social. Less Social Media.
The less I look at Twitter, the better I feel. Some twitter stuff I have to do for more jobs. Some of it, I’m just addicted too. And lately, the bad information will sneak up on you with no warning, with no context and with no discernible action. So, blessed with this accidental Tuesday off from most of my professional duties. . .I decided to actually get a squarespace site up to speed, partially so I could talk a little bit more here.
I played tennis today against Zach, one of my favorite neighbors. He beat me, but not badly. I was reminded how mercilessly exhausting tennis is. I was very thankful for that type of workout. I also did an exercise my friend Amy swears by, it’s a beginning HIIT video by Joe Wicks. I made a beautiful banh-mi beef recipe from NYT. I listened to a podcast from Ezra Klein and I cleaned my porch. I was supposed to go tubing today, but the weather wasn’t conducive to such a thing. Frankly, I’m glad, I feel rejuvenated after getting to spend some time getting ahead on projects I’m always behind on.