The Celebrities of the Midway YMCA
Like other COVID dad’s who are radio DJs I live a uniquely repetitive life. I go to work. I go grocery shopping at Korte’s (they changed their name but I just stopped calling them Knowlan’s a couple years ago so they’ll have to wait). I drop my kids off at daycare. I run trivia at the 331 Club and I go to the YMCA. Let’s give some shout outs to the celebrities of the Midway YMCA.
The Old Guy Who Recently Started Being a Lifeguard
Dear sir. You are an attractive older man. You look like you probably did a lot of mouth to mouth in your younger lifeguarding years. I bet you saw the sign for the 1k signing bonus to do aquatics jobs and you figured you could dust off the silver whistle, do a little CPR training on Annie and get back in the mix. Well guess what? You can! Looking good! Keeping us safe! Even sassing the the 7 year old who was swimming way to close to my daughter’s swimming class. You always wear your mask around your ear but not your face, you know that doesn’t help right? But, man, if I had a sharp jawline like you, I might risk it and just toss on the mask when I’m interacting close with somebody. Sexy old lifeguard, what a life.
The lady who reads a Kindle that is strapped to her neck in the Vortex Pool
I salute you. I don’t know what you’re reading. I hope it generates income for you cause I don’t see how you can hold down a job while also rocking that vortex pool/hot tub a solid three hours a day. But honestly, what are you reading. You get high points for commitment. You have one demerit on your record though. One time, a mom and daughter walked in ready for their swimming lesson, but the teacher was nowhere to be found. Me and you were watching the whole thing play out from our hot tub perch. And after it was established there would be no lesson, you stepped up and told mom “she should still swim today, you came all this way”. FACTS! That’s a reasonable idea. But it’s garbage advice. Let the mom and the daughter decide, it’s their call. And if what you want is for the girl to swim, I think your best bet is just to send positive energy in that direction, I don’t think the decision of the kindle strapped hot tub attendee is the make or break. Also, for real, what are you reading?
Fancy Ray
Fancy Ray, you’re famous. And when I see you in the sauna I say “how are you Fancy Ray” you always say “top of the world man, top of the world” and you smile. I love you Fancy Ray.
The Guy who works out in athletic shorts and a Cities 97 shirt with the sleeves cut off
I am so incredible scared of you. I imagine that you can beat the living piss out of me and then kick it back in. You don’t even lift heavy weights. But you are dressed like you enjoy a Michelob, a pack of Marlboros and some ribs. Don’t kill me. If you want to use a machine, just go ahead and look at me. I will run into the bathroom and sit in the fetal position until the Y closes.