Why Going Back to Normal is a Trap

Last night, at the 331 Club in Minneapolis I got to host live trivia for the first time in 15 months. Microphone on, chatting to the crowd, not a ZOOM set up in site. I was so nervous leading up to it, not about the reality of being on the mic in front of people, but about setting up the PA, about handling the prizes, about remembering the details. I was also nervous about relating to people. There’s a guy named Erik who has played trivia with me every Tuesday night on YouTube for about 14 months. We interact for two hours online every Tuesday. . .but I don’t see video or hear audio from him, it’s all text. I walked right up to him and called him Dan (the name of his friend). That’s not 100% out of character for me, but it felt so shitty. But getting back into seeing each other is hard, but it’s comforting. For so long, so many people haven’t been able to do the things they do best. I love hosting trivia at the 331, I’ve been doing it every Sunday with the exception of tours since January of 2007. Chuck and I have built this into a COMPANY ASS COMPANY. I am writing this blog post from our reasonably well-appointed office space. We have employees in multiple states. But it goes back to what we were able to get started plugging in the microphones at 331 Club and reading questions. We connected with people, we engaged with people. We do this well. I do this well. It was something and it is something.

But this is just the moment where because I get my normal back and I get the glow of feeling like things are so much better than they were even six weeks ago that it’s time for me to put my head down and not rock the boat. The allure of normalcy is enticing. Why is it so enticing? Normalcy has worked pretty great for my 40 years as a white man from an upper class background. Normalcy has meant access to excellent public education where I was treated with respect inside. Normalcy has meant familial support with tuition and living expenses during college, living expenses after college and either support or offers of support for every big ticket purchase of my entire life. Normalcy has meant reasonable interactions with police for the most part. And anything that was not reasonable with the police was certainly not fatal and not immediately threatening to my physical safety. Normalcy has also meant a willingness to enjoy these privileges and thousands more without dedicating significant time or energy to fighting for these normalcies to be distributed equitably. All of these are normalcies are fraudulent, and on top of that if it’s remained clear and has come into closer focus that so many of my brothers and sisters in the United States live in a completely different normal. It is immoral to quietly walk back to normalcy without an eye toward changing these inequities. What does changing look like? It looks like a lot more than what I’m currently doing. I’m already checking the boxes that lots of wealthy white liberals are checking. . .reading lists, increased donations not just to non-profits but to mutual aid orgs, attending one single protest one year ago, sounding mighty on twitter, black lives matter sign on the garden bed of the segregated neighborhood I live in. That’s the new normal, and the new normal is still not enough. And I’m tired of twitter being the only way I feel I can make changes. I am starting to think of twitter as the new incarnation of second life. I respect the technique of the souls that go out every Friday (seems like every Friday) to either Summit and Snelling or Lake and River Road with their Free Palestine signs. I have no idea how that moves the needle on the cause they are embracing, but I wonder if they feel different than someone doing a solid 2 hour spew on social media before heading home for their dinner. They might just have their actions connected with more of their body, with more of their presence.

We can’t go back to normal. That’s been clear. But as the draw is truly on our doorstep with our first taste of normal, I want to imagine how much better normal can be. Think about how much better it would taste if you lived in a just world. If you lived in a country that ran Truth and Reconciliation, that paid reparations, that severely limited what situations armed police were used. If you lived in a state where police didn’t disproportionately kill unarmed black people. I do think a lot of my fellow white people believe it can never taste quite as good once we have this shit out in the open. And I mean the out in the open to say a societal level addressing: redistribution of wealth, reparations, voting rights, no more trappings of second class citizenry. Why do you think it won’t taste as good? Do you think a world where black people command the respect they deserve in the workplace, in the voting booth is somehow worse for you? How? Why? Do you think there’s one big pie and you have the right amount currently? That’s stupid. There’s no pie. This is not zero sum. I don’t even think there’s cautionary tales in the historical record of a society crumbling under. . .equity. Get out of here. One, you’re wrong. Two, you’ll be proven wrong.

So normal tasted good last night, drank about 8 hop waters (strongly recommend) talked to a lot of trivia players for the first time in a year plus. It felt good, but it can feel better, it can be better and that is where we are heading actively.